Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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