Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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