You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
