the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
