if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
