I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
