I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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