$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
