My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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