GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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