i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
