Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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