he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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