Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
