wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
