You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
