Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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