Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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