Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Green mimosas i think yes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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