i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
