I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
