dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
