I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
