Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
