omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
