Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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