It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
