Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
