grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
