hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
