You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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