My hand turned me down
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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