I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
