PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Two words: blizzard sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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