do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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