i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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