Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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