I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
