i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
