if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
