just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
