1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
