there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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