remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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