I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
