Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he shaved USA in his pubs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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