Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
