I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
