and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
