We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
