tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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