I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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