I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
